Originally posted on The Last Angry Fan  |  Last updated 3/26/12

That’s more garish than the inside of Liberace’s walk-in closet.

What you just witnessed is firsthand proof that the monstrosity known as the Miami Marlins home run feature is fully operational.  The whole thing defies description, but I’ll do my best to break it down.

Two marlins chase each other in a circle while a third marlin playfully backflips atop the structure, albeit in slow motion.  There’s also seagulls flying, flamingos flapping their wings, the surf rocking back and forth, and a timed water spray for when the  circling marlins break the water.  The grand finale, of course, is a glorious rainbow that is fabulously tacky, and totally in keeping with the overall theme of the display.  All that’s missing is a pair of sea turtles in Marlins hats doing the Charleston and showing off their jazz hands.

If Marlins new manager Ozzie Guillén is smart, he’ll have the entire team bunting at each at-bat, at least during the team’s home games.  Not only is this thing hideous and cheesy, but chances are it’s a 73-foot high, seizure-inducing machine.  No major league team wants their season ticket holders constantly flopping and twitching following a home run—that’s not good for business.

[via @darrenrovell]

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