Quick note: due to the overly-offensive nature of this week's games, the planned theme for this week's show was scrapped.
Now that that's out of the way, let's get to this week's awards...
The "University of Oregon award for fashion excess" goes to Wisconsin and Nebraska
Look, the uniforms worn by the Badgers and Cornhuskers weren't necessarily BAD, but, in our opinion, the Big Ten just isn't a conference that should jump on the "Oregon" trail of exotic-looking uniforms. Since Oregon is the dean of uniform excess, and thus have had the award named after them, Wisconsin and Nebraska win this ward, for whatever it was that they were wearing. As always, here to present this award was former Oregon cheerleader & the college football awards' favorite cheerleader, Amanda Pflugrad.
The "air raid siren" award goes to West Virginia and Baylor
The way we have it figured, the "air raid" sirens in Morgantown, West Virginia, must've been malfunctioning, or else they would have been running non-stop for the nearly four hours this game totaled in length. Either that, or the sheer number of balls that were in the air at the hands of Geno Smith and Nick Florence rendered them as helpless and useless as the respective defensive units of these two schools. If this is what life is going to be like in the Big 12 from now on, remind me to buy a gas mask, since I live in a Big 12 town now, thanks to TCU joining the league.
The "hand him the Heisman" award goes to Geno Smith
Yes, it's always a bit presumptuous to hand out a Heisman Trophy-type award at the quarter pole (if that) of the season, but the numbers Smith is putting up (particularly in that video game against Baylor), are becoming too hard to ignore. There might be times that Smith isn't the odds-on favorite for the award (like when West Virginia's terrible defense inevitably leads them to lose a few games this year), but, in keeping with the original intent of the award, which was to present it to the best player in college football, not the best player on the best team, we believe his numbers, should he keep them up, warrant winning the award either way.
The "Not you, too, SEC" award goes to Georgia and Tennessee
Because, on a day when anything that had anything at all to do with defense was rendered useless, the disease of the high-scoring, defense-optional game even leaked into the SEC when these teams combined for 96 points, which may not be very many by West Virginia-Baylor standards, but is rather offensive by any other standard. And in the SEC, I believe this ranks as a 100-99 game. No one from either of these teams stuck around to accept the award, because since they coach and play in the SEC, they were all too embarrassed to accept an award such as this.
The "turnover machine" award goes to Garrett Gilbert
Because, simply put, he's a turnover machine. It might not have seemed like it for most of SMU's loss to TCU, but by the fourth quarter, Gilbert had a stretch in which he was intercepted on three straight plays. But, as usual, don't blame him for his poor performance in the game, Because, if you do, he'll off and transfer to another school, then get intercepted five times as he's filling out the proper paperwork for it. And, because he keep insisting it matters, no Garrett, you don't get to sit in a corner and pout when you don't get your way, you have to fight through it like all the other kids.
The "Orangeblood" award goes to David Ash
It has been a debate since the beginning of last year who the quarterback of the Longhorns, and, in the eyes of most Longhorn supporters, until this week, at least, the answer was seldom, if ever, David Ash. But that might've all changed when he led the 'Horns to a comeback win over Oklahoma State to keep them undefeated. The bad news? Now, all he has to do is out-duel Geno Smith and his high-powered Mountaineer offense in Austin on Saturday. And then beat OU the week after that. No pressure, David, but such is life as the quarterback of the University of Texas.
The "we're going to In & Out" award goes to Mike Riley
We wanted to work this one in last week, but when you only have so much material to work with, it was an oversight on our part. Anyway, as many of you no doubt know by now, it's a well-publicised fact that Riley, the coach at Oregon State, celebrated his team's win over UCLA last week by taking them to In & Out Burger. Well, since he apparently had plans to do the same after they knocked off Arizona, we award him, and his team, their first college football award. When accepting the award, Riley announced that they would celebrate by, you guessed it, going to In & Out.
The "ramblin' wreck" award goes to Georgia Tech
Down there in Atlanta, things have, as they say, gone "a-cropper." Once thought to be a factor in what was once thought to be a wide-open ACC race, the Yellow Jackets have fallen flat on their faces during a 2-3 start. And while you might be able to excuse the two in-conference ACC OT losses to Virginia Tech and Miami, it's their most recent loss, to Middle Tennessee State, that has really shown the world what kind of trouble Tech is in for this year. A little bit of friendly advice for Paul Johnston here: when the rest of the world is airing it out and scoring points, that's usually a hint that that works, In other words, the wishbone died in the 70s.
The "overrated" award goes to LSU
We here at the college football awards know that we live in a world where the SEC gets all the coverage, and the rest of the college football world, even the ones that are BCS conferences, have to fight for table scraps. But the announcing of this award comes with a public-service announcement to inform all of you that LSU is overrated. The proof is in the pudding of their last two games, and particularly the way they stumbled through a win over Towson, with all due respect to Towson. Les Miles was to accept the award, but refused when he found out we had no grass for him to eat in the awards hall.
The "obligatory "Arkansas is bad"" award goes to Arkansas
And instead of dwelling on the immense negatives of their fourth-straight defeat, this one 58-10 at the hands of a nefarious creature known only as an Aggie, it's clear that the depths of the Razorbacks' despair knows no depths. Since John L. Smith was found curled up in a corner somewhere and crying, and was therefore unable to accept the award, we'd like to announce that this is the last time we're going to pick on them this year. Maybe. Probably. But then, we do have a knack for beating on something until it's dead.
And so concludes another edition of the college football awards. Please return next week for what might verty well be the first "live-action" edition, fresh off my attending the Iowa State-TCU game next Saturday.
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