Originally posted on The North End End Zone  |  Last updated 9/6/12




Wow, Way to go Austin Peay. You’ve been able to out-pretentious a slave-owning southerner from Charlottesville. I do declare.

Well, it’s been three days since the Georgia Tech game.... And... HOLY CRAP THAT GAME!

Guh, so much to say, so little time / typing abilities.

Also, Austin Peay... yeah. Hit the jump.
 

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Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week

[youtube]sCzdecygpmg[/youtube]

Not a super pump up song, but what the hell. It’s Austin Peay.

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Ok, so the Georgia Tech game. We have a few... thoughts.

  • First off: WE WON A BIG OPENING GAME! Still can’t get past the fact that this happened. When was the last time we won a decent opener? 2002 against LSU? Though that was only technically an opener, as we played Arkansas St in an exhibition.

  • Let’s start with the good: our defense. Not a surprise here. They kicked ass. They gave up one early touchdown on a misplayed snap, and a late touchdown when their backs were about to give out from carrying 11 players on offense. Solid performance all around.

  • That mishandled punt. It is what it is, man. Our punter is 12 years old. Did you see his eyes? He was ******** himself. And then he flubbed the punt. And the world kept spinning. And no one killed him. And he realized it wasn’t the end of the world. He relaxed, and played great the rest of the game. He’ll be fine. JUST DON’T F*CKING DO IT AGAIN.

  • The offense... here we go again. 

    Welp, might as well start at the top.

  • There aren’t enough words in the English language to express my frustration with this coaching staff. MORE SCREENS! THIS TIME IT’LL WORK I PROMISE! -6 yards in the third quarter. Do you have any idea how lucky we were to win this game? Yes, execution was not at an all time high. But once a-f*cking-gain, our offense looks like **** while our defense shines. Why does Bud Foster continue to stay with us??

  • Logan Thomas. Ok, new drinking game: drink every time The Tank Engine has an overthrow. You’re gonna need more Coors Light, Doughed.

  • Text of the night from the Ambassador: “Holmes goes down faster than a Tri-Delt.” Do any Tri-Delts read this site? Well, if so, I’ll type slower.

  • By now, you’ve read this a million other places, but... Not using a timeout with a minute left on first and goal?? GT had two timeouts left! Time was not an issue for them! You are doing nothing but handcuffing yourself by not calling the timeouts. THIS IS BASIC FOOTBALL STRATEGY!!

So, not surprisingly, you can see we hated just about everything but the final 44 seconds and over time.

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The Bad Guys

If you honestly, truly think we’re even going to bother looking up anything about this team, you are out of your freaking mind. Go back to Bleacher Report.

Instead, we will show you this, courtesy of avid commenter AdamCregger:

[youtube]eU7I52X9phI[/youtube]

You know what? That’s awesome. We here at the NEZ enjoy a good pun.

As a reward, we’ll only win by 40.

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The Good Guys

So DJ Coles is out for the season. That sucks, but he gets to redshirt (we’re still not sure how redshirting works). So he won’t miss an eligibility. And we have plenty of guys that are ready to step up. We’ll be fine.

So we had some first game jitters and got away with it. Now is the time to work those out. LT needs to get his head straight. We need to get the running game into a grove. And we need to stop the dropped passes. You do that now.

On the other side of the ball... just keep it up.

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The Game

Look at it this way: You get to get drunk. And you can flush our opponent down the toilet.

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B-Dub’s Factual Corner

Um, do I really need to write much fact about Austin Peay? They got absolutely manhandled by Western Kentucky 49-10. Here are some stats for you: they suck. Really that is all you need to know. However, to make things even more hilarious, I’ll mention they only mustered up 154 total yards against that dominant Western Kentucky defense. Here’s an eye popping stat for you: they accumulated a whopping 11 yards passing. And no, that is not a typo – they really only got 11 mother f*cking yards passing in the game. While they had 143 yards rushing, 68 of those came on one play for their lone TD on the day. You take that away and they had 75 yards on 37 carries, good for 2.03 yards per carry. Bahahahahaha. Good luck you Pee-ers, as we all know what Bud’s defense did to GT’s ridiculous rushing attack. Seriously, Austin Peay’s best bet is to hope and pray that nobody dies in this game because this really is going to get ugly fast. We’re talking T.C. Williams Titans type of domination – Julius Campbell and Gerry Bertier style.  

LEFT SIDE! STRONG SIDE!

As for our offense, we just need to get some timing down between Logan and the receivers. In case you didn’t hear, DJ Coles is going to take a redshirt this year (yes, he can still do this even after playing some on Monday night), so that means Marcus Davis, Dyrell Roberts, and Corey Fuller our top three receivers. This would be a wonderful time to straight dominate and get timings down and to stop throwing balls to the moon. It’s also a good time to let JC Coleman run loose. While Holmes is okay, he is nowhere near the playmaker Coleman is, so hopefully the coaches start working Coleman in more. Seriously, if we don’t get 35 points by halftime, then we have a big problem.

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Zombie Kill of the Week

Each week, D_w finds the biggest hit from the prior game. At least, he’s supposed to be doing that. We don’t pay him to just sit around. In fact, we don’t pay him at all.

It’s that time of the year again folks, yep, it’s time to prove C.Gally wrong by getting the write up done in time. Oh and for the first Zombie Kill… Those of our readers who watched the season opener (all 10 of you better have watched or else risk the wrath of NEZ!) you know exactly where we are going with this week’s Zombie Kill. Before we jump right into it let me just rant a bit, 3rd and 8... LET’S CALL A SCREEN PASS! YEP THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD DECISION, again.  Ok, I won’t go into that since we are all familiar with the play calling. Let’s take a look at a creative way to swat a bee that is annoying you.

[youtube]D9v-AkY1wvI[/youtube]

Jeron Gouveia-Winslow lays Tevin (seriously.. what kind of name is that) Washington out, leaving him dazed and confused on the ground, marking the last time you saw Washington roll out and attempt to complete a pass for more than 5 yards down field. If college players could accept endorsements GW would be first in line for a new bee killer manufactured by Raid. Next game I hope to see Thomas the Tank Engine step up and place his name in the running for Zombie Kill.

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BE BETTER! of the Week

This is a new feature that will likely show up each week. We’ve used this phrase plenty in conversations outside of the NEZ. Basically, telling someone to BE BETTER is calling them out on being lazy or ignorant at something they’re supposed to do.

Announcers can barely talk over Enter Sandman. Better not show it til it’s over!! Good thing their insight was so very important.

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This Week in F You ESPN

Did you listen to the announcers during our game? Well... that.

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Avid Reader Comment of the Week

With all the hate that goes on around this site, we’d like to talk about something that we love: Reader Comments.

Why do we love them? For many reasons:

1. We know that people other than our parents are reading.

2. We don’t have to come up with funny content on our own (always a bad idea)

3. The comments are usually funnier than anything we could think up.

Yeah, so we TOTALLY forgot about this last week. How could I forget something that takes up more space in the weekly post? So unprofessional.

So let’s hit it with HokieUmp’s gem of a rant:

Honest to God.  Given the history of this game, I can only conclude that GT is a great Black Hole of Suck, that draws us in, year after year.

Full disclosure:  I had to find the end of the game on YouTube.  I'd DVRed, and watched until the GT TD with 0:44 to play.  I then hit the stop button, the delete button and turned off the TV.  (That was about 1 1/2 hours ago.  I was at work during the game, and stayed away from news sources until I was home for the night.)  I'm aging fast enough as it is;  although I can't quite feel the icy fingers of Death, I can certainly make out his warmup swings with the scythe.  I don't need the Hokies to accelerate the process.  Either win big or lose early, so I can be done with it, FFS.

Note to Jim Weaver:  enough with The Worldwide Leader and their endless supply of cash;  please stop scheduling national level and/or conference games for that unbelievably ****** week of every season known as Week 1.  There's a reason our conference mates scheduled W&M, Richmond, Elon, Liberty, Murray St and FIU.  Our offense is bad enough as it is without LT needing to work on his timing in games.  I'm sure Oklahoma St will pass on the phone number for the Savannah St AD, if you ask nicely.

That comment had everything. Turning off the TV in anger. Hating on Jim Weaver. The phrase “Black Hole of Suck.” Everything.

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Hokie Motivator of the Week

Each week, the Carnegie Mellon Football Analyst submits his own Hokie Motivator. Except that he’s on his honeymoon. Who goes on a honeymoon during football season? Oh, he’s attending Maryland for grad school?

It all makes sense now.

So we'll let D_w take this one...

 

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Gratuitous Tommy Boy Quote of the Week

Yes, we're stealing this straight from Deadspin's Jamboroo. No, we don't care.
 

Nicole Taylor, Action 8 News: Is that why you've strapped a bomb to your chest?

Tommy: Oh, this isn't a bomb. These are road flares.

Ray Zalinsky: Road flares? Did you live under power lines as a kid, or something?

Tommy: Ha ha ha, why?

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Replacement Voldemort of the Week

So I’ve been told that we are playing the Governor’s. Really. The Governor’s. Your mascot is a politician?

Well, whatever. We know two guys that are experts in taking out governor’s...

 Mike Donnelly and Steve Dodds

Two Farley movies in one preview? We really had to Beverly Hills Ninja that in there. You might say we’re Almost Heroes.

So here we go again. Short week against a terrible opponent. Let’s not screw this one up.

LET’S GO HOKIES!!

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