No idea what I just watched for 12 hours today. Talk about your all-time letdown day. For a viewing pleasure it was great because instead of having a bunch of expected boring games and blowouts we got an action-packed day of close finishes and drama. Still, for teams looking to make a move in the polls, you did nothing for yourself. In fact you left me confused college football. I thought there was 4-5 teams on their own. But after this week I don’t know what to think about anyone not named Alabama. WVU couldn’t stop me and 10 drunken Irishmen. Florida State showed the disinterest bug which is always scary with top teams. LSU looked like Loser State University, chea #AmIRite? Georgia decided that defense is no longer important and South Carolina managed to give Kentucky a double digit halftime lead.
Long story short, the opportunity was there for a number of teams to make a statement in a week so many teams looked below average and people decided not to take advantage. That leaves a lot to be decided this week as there’s really nothing any team can complain about that gets moved up or down. I mean, what are you really going to argue? You were less crappy than another? It’s only week 5, there’s time for all these teams to move up and down and as K.M and I have stated time and time again, our poll is VERY fluid. A win doesn’t mean an upward or flat position. A loss doesn’t guarantee multiple spot drop.
The only goal is to try and pinpoint the top 15 teams in America, not for the week, not for the month, for the year. Every poll we put out is hoping to accurately portray the teams in America that will be the top 15 after the BCS Championship. Are we usually spot on? Hell no. But show me one poll that doesn’t have to change its top 15 more often than not throughout the year and I’ll show you a poll that has insider information.
Lets get to the top 15:
Alabama Crimson Tide (Bryan: 1st, K.M: )-
Bryan: Alabama seems to do this every year where they take care of their business against the teams they know people will care about, then play less than stellar against some scrub they can sleepwalk through. Remember last year when they won 45-21 at home over Georgia Southern and gave up a bunch of yards that had everyone saying “Oh, maybe Alabama isn’t as great as we thought!! (little girl voice)?” Then they went out and castrated Auburn and blew out LSU in the title game. Alabama knows what they’re doing. They have a bye next week. Do you honestly think they were completely focused and just couldn’t put Ole Miss away? Of course you don’t.
Trending: Normally three straight at Mizzou, at Tennessee and vs. Miss St. would look dangerous before LSU. But this is Bama. Staying put.
K.M: Bama was never in danger against Ole Miss. Stop playing, internet. Bama’s offense never ran a play trailing. Bama has the best combo of resume and talent. It’s not close. They are #1. It’s a shame they are losing to LSU later this year.
Trending: Nowhere for a while.
O AN HE SEXY
T-2 Oregon Ducks (Bryan: 2nd, K.M 4th)-
K.M: Sorry, Oregon. I said at the beginning of the year LSU and Alabama were the two best teams and FSU was going to play for the national title as the third best team. I said you were losing two to USC. Has any team taken an unexpected loss in my predictions above? No? Then you are stuck at 4 for now. For those that don’t like it, eat it. For those that are with me, party on my twitter feed. It’s @rawkurface come and join the Duck hate. We go until 6 in the morn, sippin on gin and juice. That juice? Duck hate juice. I don’t even know what that means
Trending: Nowhere until you win one I didn’t see coming or a team above you LOSES.
Bryan: No more holding you back Oregon. Sure first half wasn’t pretty but you put it away in the second half and while you still haven’t beaten anyone, you’ve done what you should do to the competition you’ve played. Offense is still showing it’s going to be a juggernaut and the defense has shown signs of respectability that could be key in bigger games later. They just have this switch they seem to flip in every game where they hit a team for 21 points in 4 minutes and it’s just lights out from that point forward. I don’t know what happens to them in November with a tough stretch. I’m thinking they can lose once and win PAC-12 title game still. BUT I’m not sure that teams like Florida State are losing so for the sake of my Oregon runner-up pick they gotta run it probably.
Trending: Washington, Arizona State and Colorado stands between 8-0 and a 5-0 PAC-12 record. I can’t fathom they’re not unbeaten when they go to USC.
T-2. Florida State Seminoles (Bryan: 3rd, K.M: 3rd)-
Bryan: You didn’t do much today to warrant this bump. In fact I could just as easily argue to drop you given USF is pretty mediocre it seems and there was a struggle. Still one thing you have going for you is a win over Clemson. Even if Clemson isn’t top 10 quality, they’re top 15 quality and that’s just a win not a lot of teams can brag about. If you don’t get too overconfident you shouldn’t lose. The ACC is a complete joke. The Coastal Division is embarrassing and at Virginia Tech seemed like a tough road game until they lost to Pitt and Cincy. You really think I’m concerned at all about Logan Thomas vs you? Only problem for you is I don’t see any wins that really give you a boost unless Florida is a top 10 team at the end of the year.
Trending: Probably down. While others pick up big wins, you’ll have marginal wins at best
K.M: Going to the national title game as the third best team in the land. Just like I told all of you to start the year. You’re welcome.
Trending: Nowhere at all.
You do you, FSU
T-2. LSU Tigers (Bryan: 4th, K.M: 2nd)-
K.M: You know what? I’m done pretending I care that LSU is struggling right now. I don’t care. LSU at Bama this week would be a pick ‘em on the spread. Vegas knows LSU at home is every bit as good as Bama is on the road. So why the hell should I sit here and pretend I care what LSU is doing against Auburn or whoever the hell they played last week, some team I don’t care to remember and refuse to look up? LSU is a cut above Oregon and FSU and that’s that. I don’t care if you like it, but you better learn to love it, because LSU will be glad to show everyone exactly what I am talking about this week. They are a road favorite at the 11th best team in the land after two back to back terrible games. Doesn’t that say everything you need to know? Let’s be honest, would Oregon be a favorite in the Swamp? Hell no. That UF defense would crush the Ducks. How about FSU? Maybe. Lucky for FSU, they won’t have to find out. Remember, the Swamp is worth like 6 points. The only things that make it out of the Swamp alive are Gators and Tigers.
Trending: I really don’t want to fathom LSU losing this game. So I will not.
Bryan: I can’t give you a pass anymore. Your ranking all year has been what I think you’ll be and not what you’ve done. As I’ve shown before with Arkansas (ranked 15th after ULM and 17th after Bama…yea those were wrong), I’ll support a team even if they haven’t backed it up and I don’t doubt you can turn it around. However when teams above you are playing much better and have much better wins, I’m not going to continue to overlook that. Listen, this is pretty much a one week punishment. You get Florida in the Swamp next week. You know if you handle your business that I’ll reward that. You can’t play with Bama right now. They’re a step above you. Fortunately you have a month to figure it out. But you’ll be challenged between now and then. For you a win is a win pretty much. It’s not as if an unbeaten SEC team would ever be left out of the title game. Impressive or not, you just have to win. Take care of your business and you’ll move up in coming weeks.
Trending: Up as high as #2 or a severe punishment. I knew when my National Champ pick lost to you last year they weren’t out. This year I don’t know if you can take a loss. Take one and ruin my title pick and I WILL show my anger.
THAT STEAK IS REALLY GRASS
5. West Virginia Mountaineers (Bryan: 5th, K.M 5th)-
Bryan: I’m not going to lie. I’m pleased with you because you allowed the Baylor cover while also getting the win. However, Dana Holgorsen…dude? You have GOT TO FIX THAT DEFENSE. Something has to happen. Listen, I know you can score with anyone in America. But you can’t expect to win games 60-57 every week. There’s going to be a week where someone drops a pass or a defense is good enough to get a couple stops and they’ll make you pay if your defense continues to be this bad. Baylor is a very talented offense and you should be grateful they can’t play a lick of defense. Don’t get me wrong, that defensive effort was atrocious but I can understand it a little more than some others because I know how good Baylor is offensively. But you have work to do.
Trending: Huge one next week. Texas isn’t as good as some (myself included) thought defensively but they’re one of the better Big 12 D’s you’ll play and their run game is good enough to control T.O.P if your D continues to suck. I don’t want to see it because I have you winning Big 12 but I smell a loss coming in the next 3-4 games.
K.M.: Baylor and West Virginia just scored 28 more points by the time you read this sentence. Listen up and listen good WVU. This week is going to define the way you and I exist for YEARS to come. I have refused to consider Texas a top 15 team all season. Texas is nearly a TD favorite over you. If you beat them, you and I will be hella cool for a long, long time. You need an excuse man? I’ll be here. Need someone to push you to the next tier? I got your back. We will be tight. But if you let Texas beat you, we are going to have serious, serious problems. The ball is in your court, WVU. Do you want to be friends with me? Actions speak louder than words….
Trending: I believe in this team.
Ski instructor knows
6. Ohio St. Buckeyes (Bryan: 6th, K.M: 6th)-
K.M: My major regret in not doing more CFB in the preseason here is that Bryan has more a claim to brag about this team then I do. We both loved them coming into this year. We both said it was a flawed team that was going to win games because Urban Meyer is a God and the Big 10 is a piece of ****. We did it again. I’d love to have more stake to the OSU party we are throwing over here, but hey, I got enough a share to make me happy, and that’s all that counts.
Trending: My gut tells me the Big 10 may try to help Nebraska out some in this game, since Nebraska seems like the only legit team that can go to and win the Rose Bowl. The deck is going to be stacked against you , Urb. Earn that money and pull this one out anyway.
Bryan: I had been dropping you in victory for weeks because of mediocre efforts. I said you weren’t looking like the top ten team we proclaimed you to be. But want to know a secret? Nobody will ever be able to expose you hehehehe. You only have Big Ten games left and the Big Ten is terrible this year. You can easily go 10-2 or 11-1 and that will have you in the Top Ten. While it will leave many wondering if you’re actually legit, we won’t have to worry about it being proven false in a bowl game. That’s terrific!!! Going on the road to Michigan State and winning was for the lack of a better expression: showing cajones’. Major ups for that. It was the one loss I pegged you for this year but like I said in this Sexy Six this week, if you made Andrew Maxwell have to beat you, you would be in good shape. For Christ Sake find someone to help Braxton though.
Trending: Get by Nebraska at home and it should be 10-0 going into the Wisconsin game. Urban Meyer is a flat out G.
7. South Carolina Gamecocks (Bryan: 8th, K.M: 9th)-
K.M: All year I’ve said Cocky was going to beat the Dawgs. I wasn’t quite as aware as I am today that the Dawgs were a slightly better team. I considered them equal at the start of the year. But no matter. Cocky is winning this game, and somehow that’s not going to win them the East, because UF is somehow even better then I ever thought. But UF canrp
Bryan: In reality it’s insulting to move you up after that performance vs Kentucky but I’m doing it for two reasons. First, you showed in the second half that once you woke up the game was never in doubt which vs Kentucky is key. Secondly I have you beating Georgia at home next week and winning the SEC East so this is a preemptive move to make things easier on me next week. I’ll give Kentucky some love for at least showing up and not just accepting defeat but you grabbed the game by the throat in the second half. Just don’t get too content. A start like that vs a better team is an L.
Trending: I see no way you get through vs. UGA, at LSU and at FLA without a loss. So a loss is coming. But if you win the two East games you’re in good shape to win the division. So in other words, win next week and at Florida and the East should be yours regardless of what happens at LSU.
8. Kansas St. Wildcats (Bryan: 7th, K.M: 11th)-
Bryan: I only have one question for you Kansas St….how in the world did you manage to get a bye week before KANSAS? Of all the teams on your schedule, you couldn’t have worked it out to be before a tougher opponent? Resume’ gained even more credibility as Miami starts to look good. Oklahoma win will carry weight for some time.
Trending: Easy wins over Kansas and Iowa St. for 6-0 and then it’s at West Virginia. Bill Snyder you sly dog you.
K.M: So confused by this team. The world is full of mysteries. How do suitcases always know where to meet you? What the **** is a clock? How does Bill Snyder win so many games? I will never understand any of those questions. And before you laugh, remember all the calls I’ve got right in college football over the last two years in the SSR and the Sexy Six. If this stuff confuses me, I can only imagine how much it racks your puny brains.
Trending: Like I have a clue….
9. Florida Gators (Bryan: 10th, K.M: 8th)-
K.M: I’ve made the decision to just deal with the South Carolina/Georgia logjam up top in the East by ranking Florida ahead of both. Because let’s face it, this team has played SO well, they are only a 2.5 point home dog to LSU, the clear second best team in the country. That’s impressive to me. While Georgia and South Carolina impress me and make me question them at the same time, Florida just seems to get better and better. Florida, you were one of my sweetheart teams to start the year. Now we are going to get serious about this relationship. Don’t get me wrong, you are losing this week. But i will protect you and boost you back up soon. You just win some SEC East games, and remember, i was here supporting you the whole time.
Trending: XOXO I heart Florida for some reason this year it makes me sick as a ‘Canes fan someone shoot me.
Bryan: How the hell does a team jump three spots on a bye? No idea. Just going through some resumes’ between a number of teams in this area on a bye and shutting down A&M and Tennessee the way you did in the second half looks a lot more impressive right now. Plus, I need to be able to give LSU more credit if they win at your place next weekend.
Trending: Good chance I won’t throw you out of poll if you lose to LSU. Unless it’s a convincing loss.
Muschamp Star Wars jokes are funny to K.M.
T-10. USC Trojans (Bryan: 12th, K.M: 7th)-
K.M: ALL THE WAY BACK TO 7TH FOR NO REASON! I intended to move them back to 6th, but OSU impressed me with their gutty win. That said, OSU I don’t think could beat USC at the Shoe, more or less a neutral site. But who cares? It’s my rankings. I’ll put OSU 6th if I please, and you will read it either way.
Trending: That Stanford loss is going to look a lot better when Stanford beats the Irish in a couple weeks.
Bryan: Words cannot describe how bad I want a second PAC-12 loss before the Oregon game. Resume’ has nothing on it. That juggernaut offense? 41st passing the ball, 54th in the country. If teams can just keep them from hitting the big play they’re susceptible. I’m so angry at myself for not ranking this team lower than 4th in the preseason. I knew they weren’t Oregon’s equal most likely. I was too afraid of the PAC-12 schedule and didn’t think Notre Dame would be great that I wasn’t sure anyone outside Oregon and a PAC-12 upset could beat them.
Trending: This team’s not getting back in my top 10 until the Oregon game on November 3rd and they win or unless a TON of teams lose in front of them and immediately behind them.
Bane Kiffin is great
T-10. Georgia Bulldogs (Bryan: 9th, K.M: 10th)-
Bryan: Another unimpressive team today. Everyone knows I like Tennessee and think Tennessee has 8-4 potential, but you can’t give up that many points at home if you’re a legit conference contender. Offense is surprisingly great. If this defense actually lived up to the hype they got with this offense they’d be a lock for the SEC title game. We all know your cross-division schedule is a joke. You can pretty much eliminate South Carolina with a win next week. A win over South Carolina probably means no more than 1 SEC loss. Still, dropping you this week with the thought a loss is upcoming in 6 days.
Trending: Expecting to drop you 3-4 spots. But a win pushes you probably in the discussion for the top 5.
K.M: I feel strangely confident about Georgia losing to South Carolina. After all, OBC >>>>>> Richt. Even with the OBC coaching from the back nine about three times a week these days. I expect a shootout. I expect a tight one. I expect a Gamecocks win. If I don’t get this, I’ll have a massive revision here next week. But for now, we know my expectations, and my rankings reflect that. End of story, I got nothing else to say.
Trending: We will see
11. Notre Dame Fighting Irish (Bryan: 13th, K.M: 12th)-
Bryan: Bye week so not much to do. Schedule is still brutal and those Michigan wins don’t look great anymore but what can you do. You have enough credible games left to prove yourself an elite team or the team I think will finish the year at the bottom of or out of my top 15.
Trending: Miami and Stanford the next two weeks. You’ll be moving somewhere.
K.M: Yea, you are going to beat Miami’s ass in the cold weather this week. Congrats. Miami is a fraud. Stanford, however? Built to beat you. That’s your test. I think you fail it.
Trending: Out of here in a couple weeks.
T-12. Texas Longhorns (Bryan: 11th, K.M: STILL NOT RANKING THEM YOU CAN’T MAKE ME)-
Bryan: “Oh, I don’t know if Texas is top 15. Nope, I’d rather rank Mississippi St. Is Texas even Top 20?” Hey K.M, suck on these big Bevo nuts. What up now? Texas sent notice tonight that not only can they beat a mediocre Oklahoma State team but that they’re not screwed if they need David Ash to win them a game. Well this is how we’re going to do this: F*** K.M Venne, F*** Coley Michalik, F*** Oklahoma St. as a team, program, and mother-f***ing college. And if you you want to be down with the Pokes then F*** you too. All you Mother F***ers, F*** you too. Alright…wooo…had to get that out. Listen Texas can lose two games and go to a BCS bowl. That’s what I’m banking on. That was a huge escape. My pick needed that badly. Defense isn’t what I thought it was but offense can do more than I thought it could. Huge game at home vs West Virginia. If they can pull it out I’ll really give my BCS pick life.
Trending: Top 7-8 or down. How far down depends entirely on how game goes.
T-12. TCU Horned Frogs (Bryan: 14th, K.M: 13th)-
K.M: I like this team. It’s just solid. Keep winning, you weed smoking Texas idiots.
Trending: Here for a while I think.
Bryan: Ehh…kind of dull over SMU. Still waiting on you to play someone legit. This is more of a vote of confidence than anything. Really want to see if you’re a contender in the Big 12.
Trending: You pretty much need to start 4-0 in the Big 12 because the last five in a row is brutal.
14. Mississippi State (K.M. 14th)
K.M.: HELL YEA I’M A DOCTOR
Trending: Doctor midnight!
T-15. Louisville Cardinal (Bryan: 15th, K.M: NO)
Bryan: This is more of a “You were next highest in my next five and I refuse to rank Clemson after that lackluster peformance” rank for you Louisville. Still, at least you have a couple ok wins. Plus you should win the Big East who clearly owns the ACC so even more reason to put you over Clemson right now.
Trending: Out once Clemson proves itself worthy of a ranking again. But chance to move up if a bunch of….O who am I kidding you’ll be in the 15-20 range all year in the Big East.
T-15. Oregon State Beavers (K.M. 15th)
K.M: RANKING TEAMS, RANKING TEAMS
TRENDING: Yo momma
Bryan’s Next Five:
Clemson- Fix the defense, and blow crappy teams like BC out. Beat GT convincingly who has been your nemesis and I’ll rank you next week
K.M. Next Five:
Stanford – I still believe in Trees. Not the kind Coley smokes out of apples. The football kind
Texas – Eat all the dicks, Texas
Cincy why the hell not nice win last week
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