Originally posted on Rumors and Rants  |  Last updated 2/28/12

Former Arizona State linebacker Vontae Burfict wants you to know he’s changed. He knows it’s been rough in the past, baby. He said some things. He’s punched some people. He’s blamed everyone but himself for a bad (by his standards) 2011 season. He sucked at the combine. That 5.09 40? He was just thinking of you and how much he missed you.

But that’s all in the past, honey. It’s crazy out there. He can’t be blamed for every little personal foul. You haven’t always been so understanding anyway. You come home from work all tired and want to watch some college football, but Vontaze Burfict wants make love, baby. Like, to the whole universe. He doesn’t just want to talk about your day.

Besides, you like hot-tempered linebackers, don’t you? Guys who are just a little dangerous on the field, and probably off it too. Baltimore loves them some Ray Lewis, and he killed some one! Allegedly. And he’s going to the Hall-of-freaking-Fame! Vontaze Burfict is even MORE dangerous than Ray Lewis, man!

Sorry, sorry. Got a little emotional there. Which is what Vontaze Burfict does on the field, baby. He gets emotional, and it all just has to come out, even if it means taking a play or two off. He just loves SO HARD. Sometimes it comes off the wrong way. Besides, those refs don’t know him like you know him. They don’t have that connection. They’re just jealous of the love you and Vontaze Burfict share. Wait, not share, experience.

So maybe you and Vontaze go to a little couples’ therapy? Everyone’s got issues to work out. And he wants to make this work. His ex, the old guy from Miami, just doesn’t understand him. Not like you do.

But don’t let that deter you from true love. Your team. Vontaze Burfict. It’ll be magic. Just wait and see. Draft all 248 pounds of slimmed-down love machine straight outta Tempe, and he’ll show you the world. Or at least New Orleans.

GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Report: Paul likely to re-sign with Clippers; Griffin more uncertain

Report: Larry Bird quitting as Pacers president

Rivers on if Chargers had picked QB: ‘It wouldn’t have been great’

Browns reportedly were shut down on Jimmy Garoppolo trade attempt again

Browns plan to use Jabrill Peppers on offense and defense

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Kevin Durant perpetuates 'Cupcake Wars' with Thunder

Bill O’Brien: Tom Savage is the Texans’ starter

Redskins deny Cousins trade report; Browns cite ‘bad reporting’

Roger Goodell weighs in on NFL's evolving marijuana debate

Gregg Popovich: Kawhi Leonard ‘the best player in the league’

Shoe companies walk away from deal with Lonzo Ball

The 'Beast Mode as a parting gift' quiz

Our favorite undrafted players of all time

Everything you need for the 2017 NFL Draft

Kicking it: Orlando surges while the Galaxy struggles

Three Up, Three Down: Madison Bumgarner gets grounded

Box Score 4/28: NFL Draft gets younger every year

The 10 best sports docs available for streaming

The 'NFL Draft Day is finally upon us' quiz

Most memorable 'NFL Draft weekend drama' stories

Stanley Cup Playoffs: Eastern rivalries take center stage

Marshawn Lynch gives an already-spurned city hometown appeal

Box Score 4/27: Waiting for Goodell to call our name

College Football News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

The 'Beast Mode as a parting gift' quiz

Everything you need for the 2017 NFL Draft

Our favorite undrafted players of all time

Kicking it: Orlando surges while the Galaxy struggles

Three Up, Three Down: Madison Bumgarner gets grounded

The 10 best sports docs available for streaming

The 'NFL Draft Day is finally upon us' quiz

Most memorable 'NFL Draft weekend drama' stories

Stanley Cup Playoffs: Eastern rivalries take center stage

Marshawn Lynch gives an already-spurned city hometown appeal

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker