Originally posted on The Sports Bank  |  Last updated 5/7/12

Who’s the biggest dead weight connected to the Chicago White Sox: Gordon Beckham? Brent Morel?

How about Ken “Hawk”Harrelson who gave us 63 seconds of dead air Friday night on the game’s most pivotal play. Yes, over a minute of silence as the game’s critical home run unfolded. Obviously, it’s time HE GONE!

Over the weekend, the Detroit Tigers took two of three from the Sox in a very early season series with preliminary control of the AL Central at stake. The way game ended was just so upsetting to Hawk Harrelson that he couldn’t even bring himself to properly call it.

That’s not cute- it’s grounds for dismissal. It’s not loving your team too much, it’s actually breach of contract.

Unless CSN Chicago had technical difficulties?  Microphone or soundboard failure?  What excuse/explanation does the White Sox broadcast booth have for failing to do its job? Right as Jhonny Peralta’s two-run walk off home run landed in the Comerica Park seats, turning a 4-3 Sox lead into a 5-4 Tigers win, Harrelson gave us the silent treatment. Watch below

Now I’m not saying he should be cut just because of this. I’m saying, he’s got a whole rap sheet, and this is just the latest egregious act.

I could not agree more with the sentiment of the website Heave the Hawk, with a mission statement including: “Mr. Harrelson’s unique blend of non-standard English and ego-maniacal blather has made the mute button a must for Sox T.V. viewers during the last three decades.”

According to a study run by Fan Graphs, the Chicago White Sox broadcast team of Ken Harrelson and Steve Stone ranked dead last of all 30 Major League Baseball teams. And it’s not Stone, or “Stone Pony” as Harrelson annoyingly calls him. Stone makes you a smarter fan, Hawk dumbs you way down.

Hawk Harrelson’s homering is OUT OF CONTROL. Listen to his call of the Paul Konerko 400th career home run call (Big League Stew). The magnitude with which he treats the event, you’d think he was witnessing Hank Aaron 715 or something. All announcers are homers for their team to some extent, but Hawk might as well be wearing a foam finger and body paint.

And he panders to the worst levels of homering with the “umpires are out to get us” script; over and over again. Hawk does exactly what the myopic, narrow-minded meathead fan does- everything “our side” does is right, and every call that goes “against us” is a bad call.

And then there are “Hawkisms.” Some find a few of these sayings to be original, catchy, even with a flair of Southern charm. Others find them to be gibberish befitting “Deliverance” or “Hee-Haw.” Some of his sayings are ok, some are tolerable. Others are just abominable and make his broadcasts un-listenable.

“He just missed it” or “He just missed that one”- on routine fly outs to the middle of the outfield. Hawk is trying to say that Sox hitters just missed hitting a home run…as the outfielder comes closer in to softly catch a routine flyball/

“Dadgumit”

“GET FOUL- IT WILL”

“GET FOUL- IT WON’T”

“That’s a Matt Abbatacola”- Promote your D-List local media friends on your own time; quit using a Sox broadcast to raise their public profile.

“chopper two-hopper!”- is this some redneck vernacular I’m not aware of?

“Cinch it up, and hunker down”-  WTF kind of hillbilly speech is this?

“Sit back, relax and strap it down”- I’m just waiting for him to break into the theme from “Rawhide” one of these nights. “CINCH IT UP, STRAP IT DOWN, HUNKER DOWN, RAWHIDE! CUT EM OUT RIDE ‘EM IN RAWHIDE”

“You can cancel the post game show”- wtf does this mean? He says it right after the first Sox hit of the ballgame. Doesn’t make sense.

“hang woof ‘em”

“in the cat bird seat”

“a gone goose.”

So there you have it? Hawk Harrelson: Heave Ho or leave ‘em be? comment below

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